It depends on the sex you want. Some kinds of sex are really important to some folks, and less so to others. We all deserve to have the sex we want, and there are lots of sexual health strategies you can use and combine to stay healthy such as PrEP, PEP and undetectable HIV viral load, which can be used to allow you to have anal sex without anxiety about HIV, and barrier protection which can be used and combined with other strategies to stop HIV and STIs from getting passed on.

It’s always a good idea to know what your options are and how you plan to use them with your hookups or dates.

It’s important to remember that STIs are an infection, like any other bacterial or viral infection. When you get an STI, you go to the doctor, and treat or control it the way you would any other illness.

STIs and HIV need to be taken seriously, but they don’t need to be shameful. If you’re feeling ashamed or anxious to talk about sexual health or to go get tested, you could be leaving an STI untreated for longer, and it can cause other health problems and be passed onto partners.

If you’re HIV positive, remember that maintaining an undetectable HIV viral load stops you from being able to pass HIV on to others, and using condoms reduces your chances of getting or passing on STIs. Getting regular STI testing — including swabs — with your HIV-related bloodwork and keeping your partners informed is also an important part of your sexual health practices. Learn more about your sex life with HIV.

Think about how you can have the sex you want while looking out for yourself, and for each other, at the same time.

As long as a bodily fluid isn’t coming into contact with a mucous membrane like those in the ass, mouth, vagina, foreskin, or pee-hole, there isn’t a possibility of HIV transmission. HIV also doesn’t survive long outside of the body or in the open air. Jerking off together, kissing and making out, stripteasing, dry humping, rubbing penises together, and anything else without penetration, or fluids otherwise entering the body, have no chance of HIV transmission as long as there are no open sores.

Rimming and fingering also have really low chances of transmitting HIV as long as there are no open sores. Using toys like butt plugs or dildos on yourself has no chance of HIV or STI transmission. If you do share toys, or use fingers on more than one person, covering them with a condom or other barrier for each new hole also has no chance of transmission.

There’s also lots of things you might find sexy that are more mental than physical. Role-playing, exhibitionism, voyeurism, dressing up, bondage, leather and rubber, and all sorts of other kinks don’t always involve activities with bodily fluids, though they may include that, too. For rougher play that may include breaking the skin, remember that blood can transmit HIV.

Not all of these things are free of the possibility of STI transmission. Some STIs are transmitted when infected skin touches on somebody else’s skin, like syphilis, or MPOX. Others can be prevented by using a condom to prevent fluids from transmitting infections. In some cases, if someone has an STI, it can also increase the chance of HIV transmission. Read up on STIs to learn more about how to protect yourself, and get tested for STIs often.

The more important question is, what sex do you want to have? All the activities listed above are fun, hot, sexy things to get up to with your partners, and your boundaries are yours to decide, but this website exists to teach you how to have the sex that will make you feel good, safe, hot, and fulfilled – or anything else you want to feel during sex, with the best information available to you. Educating yourself well and taking the precautions that make sense for you is the best anyone can do. Figure out what works for you, and go have fun!

Not at all. Couples or sex partners where one person is positive and the other is negative are very common. Folks can use a number of strategies to prevent the transmission of HIV such as PrEP, undetectable HIV viral load, and condoms. Have an open conversation about what strategies you want to use to make sure you both feel safe. The person you are having sex with did a vulnerable thing telling you about their HIV status, so do your best to make them feel safe and accepted during these conversations. Doing your own education so as not to burden your partner with google-able questions can be a great way to be an ally to HIV positive folks. Be careful to use reliable resources, like our site, CATIE, the CDC, and CBRC when finding online information.

Sometimes an HIV-positive person chooses to have sex with other people who are also HIV-positive. This is sometimes referred to as “sero-sorting.” See our section on sero-sorting for more info.

If your partner is concerned about getting HIV, they can check out prevention options like condoms or PrEP. If there is a concern they may have been exposed, they can access PEP at their local emergency room within 72 hours after a possible exposure. You can always point them to this website to learn more about their options or get them in touch with us at HEAL NS to discuss their options.