hen someone living with HIV is on treatment and has an undetectable HIV viral load, there is zero chance of HIV being transmitted through sex. However, some folks are still worried about transmitting HIV to their partners, and some have trouble getting or staying undetectable. Educating ourselves about the options available to us and our partners is an important step to making sex more fun. Talk to your doctor, or someone from an HIV/AIDS Service Organization (like us at HEAL NS!) or a local sexual health centre to help you figure out what works best for you.

Talking about your HIV-positive status can be particularly stressful when it comes to having sex, since not everybody knows about the science of HIV transmission and sex or about what it means to be undetectable. There’s no one right way to disclose your HIV status, or anything else. Here are some tips on how to make this process easier:

• First, ask yourself:Do I want to tell them this information?
  • Have we talked about what we’re going to do?
  • Are we just making out, or are we going to have sex?
  • Will the type of sex we are having lead to a risk of me passing HIV to them?
• It’s best to be as direct and clear as possible. If somebody reacts negatively, remember that not everyone you ever share this with will feel or react this way. You deserve credit for your strength.
• Give time to the person to think about what you’ve said, and remember that people’s reactions can change over time, especially if they take the time to learn more about HIV today.
• A lot of HIV-positive people choose to put their HIV status on their online profile in advance as a way of filtering out people who might not be cool with it. There is still a need for an in-person conversation to make sure you’re both on the same page, but this method can help set the stage for a conversation.

If you are HIV-negative, there is lots you can do to normalize conversations about HIV. Start by bringing up when you were last tested and anything you do to remain HIV-negative (such as wearing condoms, or taking PrEP). Then, ask your partner(s) about their HIV status. Remember, they don’t owe you any information that isn’t relevant to you (or isn’t putting you at risk during your sex together).

Try to avoid language like ‘I’m clean’ or other words that might make someone who is HIV-positive feel bad about themselves. Have an open mind, and come to these conversations with up to date information. Often the burden falls to HIV-positive folks to educate HIV-negative folks, take the time to know your stuff so that you can make informed choices and have kind and accurate conversations with the folks you have sex with.

This section was adapted, with permission, from The Sex You Want Website.
*disclaimer: we do not necessarily endorse all of the information, content, or language used in these references

Handling Rejection

Most people have heard “no” when they asked someone for sex, a date, or a relationship. And each of us has likely said “no” to someone. Some people might say “no” when they find out you’re HIV-positive. It may help to think of these things while learning to handle “no”:

• Your worth as a person didn’t change when you got HIV.
• It’s not about you. It’s about the other person’s experiences, and knowledge (or lack thereof) around HIV.
• Lots of HIV-negative people have sex with, date, and love HIV-positive people.
• You did what you felt you had to do by telling this person that you’re HIV-positive. It may not have been easy to do.
• You respected yourself and respected them– that takes courage and no one can take that away from you.

This section was adapted, with permission, from The Sex You Want Website.
*disclaimer: we do not necessarily endorse all of the information, content, or language used in these references